I just feel like a thousand fiery suns exploded and dissolved the lining of my stomach. No big deal.
Just sad things.
Sad things. I’m posting sad things.
gone- she said.
i have gone,
and i know not when i return.
perhaps
the waves will press me to the shore
and you will find me
you will find me
in a small glass bottle, pressed against the sides
pressed into myself and
clinging to the bit of air
i have saved.
perhaps
perhaps the rain will wash away my trail,
and the sliding fresh mud will clump and shine
- you will never know where i have gone you will never
consider
the places i will see
you might
wonder and wander the lands for a few days
weeks months years
but in vain
for the sky will have whisked me away
covered me with cloud dust star shine and
moon beams
and i will be nothing left to you but
a hopeful dream
in a warm bed on a cold night
or the brisk wind on a mountain the chill
of the coming winter
i will be gone.
and spring will rejoice in my leaving
summer will burst into life and color with
each step i take away from you
from each moment spent regaining my hold
on this world
each moment spent
finding my place again.
I have realized that the comfort of your arms means nothing
when i am embraced by the winds
of change and
lulled to sleep by the whisper of stars-
where you fail to keep me,
this world calls to me, where you fail to comfort me
the rain cries over me,
where you fail to listen, to understand, to share,
life bears all its great and terrible beauty,
calling-
come to me darling, come and
feel the world beneath your feet, come and
sweep yourself into this dance come and
live come and play, come and cry and let me hold you
let me show you terrible things let me show you wonderful
things let me love you let me
show you why you love despite the horror despite the
growing fear, why you take those leaps into the
darkness, because i will catch you my darling
my love, because you will fall and i will try to catch you
i will be the earth you land upon and
life and life and life
will be your sweet calling bird.
and i will be gone- she said.
gone.
sometimes i feel like i am floating
and the air induces nothing but nausea
as if
all of my dreams were presented to me in a row
one by one by one by one
shining and gleaming in their innocent wonder
until finally,
i grasp one and all the feathers fall apart,
and my touch does nothing but clip their wings.
i want to write again,
said the painter, said the one who forgot her words,
i want to paint again,
said the poet said the human said the machinery of time,
i,
said the scientist,
i just want to create again
to forget these words and colors and learn them anew
to find my wonder to
revel in the sensation
of life
as if this had never happened before
as if
i were the first and last of humanity.
“I’ve lost my words,”
I whispered to the tree and
pressed my face against the bark,
the tough rough grainy sand
of time that trickles into my eyes.
that’s why i have these tears, i think,
not for anger or sadness
but simply the sands of time irritating
my eyes,
creeping into the corners of my mouth
until i can no longer taste the fresh fruit
and everything is sand
in my eyes and mouth and nose
every sensation and
caress is marred by this irritant this
never ending cycle-tant this
militant masochistic flogging
i induce upon myself
as if i have grasped my sandy memories and
bathed myself in them, rubbed them into
wounds and creases,
until there is nothing but
rough rough sand until there is nothing
but worn away skin and bone
and i am dust and i am sand
and i am nothing
but
memories of
time
alright, i know i’m a dude, but let me just point out that female-identified people are people too, just like anyone else, and hence DON’T DO SHIT THAT THEY DON’T WANT THEM TO DO.
When a female-identified person screams and fights or says to stop, you fucking stop. This is the kind of mentality that feeds rape culture, and if you say i’m overacting - no. just no.
you don’t gaslight people (“get her mad, then kiss her”). you respect their boundaries (stopping when they tell you to stop). you don’t manipulate them or ignore their boundaries or pretend you know what they want (“she’ll scream and fight with you, but secretly, she loves it”). you don’t do stupid shit that could get both of you killed (“hold her hand when you drive”). you don’t treat her like a goddamn china doll that can’t do anything for herself (‘protect her). you don’t ignore someone’s feelings of anger or frustration by making it into a fucking romantic comedy or acting like their legitimate anger is ‘cute’ (“when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her”).
jesus christ, it’s shit like this that encourages men to ignore women’s boundaries and for women to think that sexual harassment is ‘romantic’. fucking hell.
I don’t usually post things with language like this on here, but I SEE THIS TOO MUCH IN BADFIC AND PEOPLE NEED TO STOP.
(I also see a lot of this crap on people’s ff.net profiles and it sickens me.)
Just exactly this. I’m sick of this gaslighting culture- it happens too much too often.
(Source: staypozitive)
